Twelve months ago today I woke from surgery to this..
When I stop and think back to this day I can recall the pain in my core, and the initial fear I felt.
‘Oh my god…What have I done’, ‘I cannot do this..’ ran through my head regularly. I remember vividly how hard I tried to keep a brave face for family and friends, as my pain was theirs also.
The real clanger was the first time I tried to sit with my leg over the edge of the hospital bed. My eyes well up when I think of that moment. Oh the pain. The tear jerking crippling pain of two broken bones suspended by steel. This was just me trying to sit up with my legs dangling.. I could not do it. I just cried and cried.
I was not sure if I could manage this challenge I had so deliberately decided to undertake.
But I did.
My body soon adapted to the new sensations I felt in and around my leg. The feeling of my leg being suspended and the fact it could not touch a thing (wow that drove me around the bend). Not being able to move off my back, and moments when even the slightest movement came with insurmountable pain. Not giving a rats who saw me naked as I was helped to the shower – it was all about getting there safely and back to bed. I look back now and consider it all so surreal..
I do not for one minute underestimate the adjustment and impact that my operation had to my entire family (immediate and extended).. Mark, Lilli, Stella and Mum stopped most extra-curricula activities in their lives to be there every day to soften the blows, wipe my tears and just hold my hand every step of the way. My brothers, sister and their partners and our best of friends have all at some point dropped something in their lives to be here for me and my family. I am incredibly grateful.
I will forever remember and always feel grateful for the true friendships I have in my life, those people who once, twice or weekly took time out of their day to visit me (and bring much neededcoffee) when I could barely leave the bed.
On the darkest of days my blog provided an outlet and a way to find moments of joy and laughter. It has provided perspective and a long lasting journal that one day (when I feel able to live through it again) I will return to read.
To the followers of my Just Take The Step blog/page I could not help but have a few tears fall today as I recall the encouragement, love and virtual shoulder you have all offered me over the past 12months.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It was the very best decision I made to take those who were interested on this journey with me. The blog has emotionally provided me with so much more than I ever thought it could.
So here’s a little video of me walking today in my daggy old clothes with my fluffy hair! – because why not! It is still a whole lot better than where I was 12months ago.