Just Able

This past week I have been so very busy doing so very little – honestly the smallest tasks just take me a bloody long time –  three hours to vacuum and mop my house (my house is not that big). Doing it on crutches.. the struggle is real. Don’t get me wrong – I have plenty of offers to help/clean on my behalf but I feel reclaiming some basic chores is a continued reclaim of my independence (… and I hate asking for help!)

    Apparently I vacuum with resting sad face! I had no idea..
    The issue is I go hard, burn out, feel weak  and tired, become fragile..  cry / get grumpy (because no one’s helping me) and then need a nap! I am worse than a hormonal teenager.

    Six months since having had my operation and I still shake my head at how much I took for granted being able bodied. Parking, stairs, uneven floors, narrow entries, holding a vacuum, picking up things I drop, pegging clothes on a clothesline, opening doors, putting shorts on!!! They are things I had never given a second thought.  They are things I encountered without a thought. I wasn’t affected.  

    Now it all affects me, each of those things requires real consideration! Usually which way to approach it to ensure I don’t land on my butt/face/shoulder – and I’m only on crutches! 

    Give you a tip.. have a blow out like this (which I do regularly now as I do a lot of miles most days) and you quickly skid to the ground. This was last Saturday after a Christmas party and on a wet verandah – it was a lot like ice skating on my hands and ended on my butt!

    I say ‘only on crutches’ because so many others deal with so much more than me. I can only now begin to fully recognise the mental, physical, emotional  (not to mention financial) impacts associated with not being able bodied.

    A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with MS a few years ago now and was recently approved to be a part of an early launch of the NDIS, she explained the benefits she has received as ‘transformational’ for her family. I get it.

    Why? Primarily because our families become carers, physios, taxis, cleaners and all of a sudden their role as parent, child, sibling, partner has morphed into something foreign – it feels restrictive for them and that pressure in turn creates further anxiety for the affected person. 

    It’s a tricky path for the long term ill/disabled – it’s difficult enough for me and those around me but there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I cannot even begin to truly comprehend what others go through.  I was genuinely thrilled to hear that government initiatives like the NDIS can make a real difference for those who meet the criteria, because it sucks to lose your independence.

    We all need that silver lining on a dark cloud. A positive take on a situation that is not ideal.

    I look for the positive every day.  Multiple times a day I make the choice to look on the bright side as there are definitely times of late when I have had enough. 

    Truth be told I’m O-V-E-R it.

    I no longer want to be on crutches, taking hours to do basic tasks or struggling to carry a single handful of grocery bags! 

    I am grumpy too. My frustration levels are hitting a high as I am just tired of it all. 

    I think it’s safe to say I suck to live with right now.

    I’m sick of my story and I figure so is everyone else. I am less patient with the  onlookers and intrigued bystanders and in the past month I find myself whinging about my newly acquired carpal tunnel (as a result of excessive crutching 🙄). The first, and I had hoped last time, I had  this was when I was last pregnant some 12yrs ago! 

    Carpal tunnel means the fingers on my left hand are completely numb. Occasionally tingling but mostly numb.

    This is when I need my reality check. This is not forever – I am temporarily disabled. I am generally healthy and I chose to place myself in this position by undertaking a leg lengthening procedure. As a result I have tried to find a positive associated with carpal tunnel..

    Its a struggle but the best I can do is that if I close my eyes and brush my hair with left hand I can pretend it is someone else..

    No?  Yeh it’s a stretch..

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    7 thoughts on “Just Able

    1. I’m not sick of your story. You re such a superb writer you bring it all to life and make it real for readers.

      Crutches suck – you need upper body strength and forget it if you have boobs they are not designed for women at all.

      mobility is a must Rosie – have you tried electronic wheelchair or those walk sit down things? getting out of bed grabbing crutches feeling the added pain of those adds to daily woes.

      I feel for you.;

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah thanks Sonja – coming from you that means a lot!
        I am lucky my upper body is strong, I don’t have much in the boob department 😜😂 and I’m too bloody independent for a wheelchair! I’m my own worst enemy! I am just tired of relying on ‘aids’ cannot WAIT to get my land legs again! Xxx

        Like

    2. You’re allowed to be grumpy! I’ll allow you to be grumpy! I don’t have a patent on being grumpy, even though they did make the TV show “Grumpy Old Women” based on me (I’ve not yet received my royalty payments! Waiting! Waiting! Waiting! The waiting makes me even grumpier)! If you need any lessons on being grumpy, I’ll give you some…free of charge!! 🙂

      Be grumpy and don’t fell grumpy about being grumpy, Rosie! That’s my sage advice (and you know I’m full of it…sage advice, that is, in case you were thinking of something else)!…

      Further sage advise is – it’s too bloody hot.to be doing what you’re doing -..so sit still, my dear – somewhere cool; read a book; watch a movie; write; paint; do anything but don’t do anything!! It’s too bloody hot! Ya hear??? 🙂

      Like

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