This past week I have been so very busy doing so very little – honestly the smallest tasks just take me a bloody long time – three hours to vacuum and mop my house (my house is not that big). Doing it on crutches.. the struggle is real. Don’t get me wrong – I have plenty of offers to help/clean on my behalf but I feel reclaiming some basic chores is a continued reclaim of my independence (… and I hate asking for help!)
The issue is I go hard, burn out, feel weak and tired, become fragile.. cry / get grumpy (because no one’s helping me) and then need a nap! I am worse than a hormonal teenager.
Six months since having had my operation and I still shake my head at how much I took for granted being able bodied. Parking, stairs, uneven floors, narrow entries, holding a vacuum, picking up things I drop, pegging clothes on a clothesline, opening doors, putting shorts on!!! They are things I had never given a second thought. They are things I encountered without a thought. I wasn’t affected.
Now it all affects me, each of those things requires real consideration! Usually which way to approach it to ensure I don’t land on my butt/face/shoulder – and I’m only on crutches!
I say ‘only on crutches’ because so many others deal with so much more than me. I can only now begin to fully recognise the mental, physical, emotional (not to mention financial) impacts associated with not being able bodied.
A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with MS a few years ago now and was recently approved to be a part of an early launch of the NDIS, she explained the benefits she has received as ‘transformational’ for her family. I get it.
Why? Primarily because our families become carers, physios, taxis, cleaners and all of a sudden their role as parent, child, sibling, partner has morphed into something foreign – it feels restrictive for them and that pressure in turn creates further anxiety for the affected person.
It’s a tricky path for the long term ill/disabled – it’s difficult enough for me and those around me but there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I cannot even begin to truly comprehend what others go through. I was genuinely thrilled to hear that government initiatives like the NDIS can make a real difference for those who meet the criteria, because it sucks to lose your independence.
We all need that silver lining on a dark cloud. A positive take on a situation that is not ideal.
I look for the positive every day. Multiple times a day I make the choice to look on the bright side as there are definitely times of late when I have had enough.
Truth be told I’m O-V-E-R it.
I no longer want to be on crutches, taking hours to do basic tasks or struggling to carry a single handful of grocery bags!
I am grumpy too. My frustration levels are hitting a high as I am just tired of it all.
I think it’s safe to say I suck to live with right now.
I’m sick of my story and I figure so is everyone else. I am less patient with the onlookers and intrigued bystanders and in the past month I find myself whinging about my newly acquired carpal tunnel (as a result of excessive crutching 🙄). The first, and I had hoped last time, I had this was when I was last pregnant some 12yrs ago!
Carpal tunnel means the fingers on my left hand are completely numb. Occasionally tingling but mostly numb.
This is when I need my reality check. This is not forever – I am temporarily disabled. I am generally healthy and I chose to place myself in this position by undertaking a leg lengthening procedure. As a result I have tried to find a positive associated with carpal tunnel...
Its a struggle but the best I can do is that if I close my eyes and brush my hair with left hand I can pretend it is someone else..
No? Yeh it’s a stretch..