Last Friday I headed off to Brisbane. This trip was not to see my specialist – it was all about pleasure for the first time in a long while.
Since my operation almost six months ago (yes almostsix months already!) this has been my first opportunity to visit my colleagues, team and work friends without the constraints of time and pain. To say I was excited is an understatement.
Six months is a long time to be away from anything and I have genuinely missed everyone. We have stayed in touch via phone calls, messages, emails and generous gifts I am so humbled to have received including bracelets, flowers, hampers and gift cards. There has been an extraordinary amount of support from all levels of the organisation.
As in any organisation things have changed in the time that I have been off work, it felt a little like I was entering a parallel universe.
The place that consumed the majority of my waking hours in a day was still there. Still delivering a similar scope of service, staff have come and gone, projects have been delivered and business change continues. There are new babies on the way and new positions for some. Same old dad jokes though – Phil!
I caught up with those who were in the office, did a bit of leg ‘show-and-tell’, had a laugh, chewed a lot of ears off and had after work drinks with some of the old crew. Where I climbed two flights of stairs and an escalator on my crutches and managed to descend an enormous set of stairs (with champagne on board) without injury! Hooray!
I loved it.
What I learnt after my visit is that the world just keeps turning. I never thought it would stop – I just don’t think I had fathomed how distanced I might become from the workload in the time I have been gone.
I love the people I work with and Ilove my job. I love the buzz that comes with corporate business change projects. I felt this same buzz on Friday when I was in the office… but something felt a little different.
I couldn’t put my finger on it. Until I realised it was me.
I am different.
It was then that I realised I have become ‘unfuckwithable‘ [when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, no negativity or drama can touch you].
I have always been a confident person. This is different. I suppose my priorities have shifted. I don’t need approval. I am no longer a pleaser and I am not affected by opinions of me. (Nb: nothing about the people I work with triggered this.. it was just the corporate environment that highlighted the change I saw in myself).
In living this story there’s been a lot of self analysis. I have learnt a lot about my weaknesses and my strengths.
I can get frustrated easily, I am impulsive, I cry on a whim and I’m often way too open. I am also stronger than I knew and I like who I am. I don’t mean for that to sound conceited. That’s not my intention. I now know me better than ever before. It was a realisation that I hold no fear of the unknown for myself, of how things might be when I return fully to life, work, normality. I trust it will all work out and I feel powerful with this knowledge. It was a real shift for me.
I cannot make definite plans, there are no expectations around when this ‘normality’ will return. I cannot see myself returning to work prior to March 2017 – as I fat bastard in the mean time!hope by then the frame will be gone and I will be walking! Yahoo. My job right now is to continue to focus on healing and strengthening physically (and mentally) and try not to turn into
I f all else fails it appears that there could be an opening for me as the eye roll emoji.