Raining tired tears..

Yesterday as the artic wind blew rain at a 45 degree angle into the house- I found myself staring out of the window and realising I was at a loose end.

It’s been a long time since I have been faced with nothing to do..

I don’t have the concentration to read the novels I have stockpiled beside my bed or to start any of the tv series that I have been given to watch in my spare time.  Actually it’s not only a lack of concentration..I have a genuine lack of interest in any of it at the moment.  

I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I have always thrived on my crazy, busy work, home and social life.  Not one to be idle, if I found myself with a quiet weekend I would always manage to fill it! 

I like people, I like noise, I like laughter.. 

Don’t get me wrong I’ve had lots of visitors. I am just not used to lying around doing nothing (and being waited on by everyone).  

I know.. I know.. Yes I need to be quiet and lay low and rest while I’m healing and I have been and will continue to do so. But just for the record, 3wks post surgery and 2wks into my lengthening and it is official.. I don’t like this doing nothing business. Not one bit! 

As a result yesterday afternoon doing nothing  was the straw that broke this camel’s back!  It was like the tap was turned on and I couldn’t turn it off.. I cried and I cried. 

I cried in frustration that I can’t do anything to help around the house. 

I cried for the discomfort that comes with this goddamn Ilizarov frame and having to lie on my back to sleep.

I cried because my leg is aching, swollen and bruised.

I cried because I want to sit at the dinner table with everyone but I can’t.

I just cried because I felt sorry for myself..’why me’.

I even cried because there’s a mouse in the pantry and I can’t catch the f@cker. Lol.

Mnn in saying that Bob does spend ALL day every day ‘nursing’ me! ‘Mouse what mouse?!’

So in hindsight I think this has a lot to do with the fact I’m not sleeping much (at all) during the day as my body seems to think I am well rested enough. Actually I probably would be if it weren’t for the fact that my internal alarm goes off two hourly every night!!

I am tired.. and yesterday I was perhaps a little overtired 😳😁!!

Thank god for each new day as I am pleased to report this morning I woke feeling almost a million dollars… (maybe $500k) and had an early visit from a beautiful old school friend Trudy.  Some of her sweet talk, “ I think you’re f@ckin mad doing this.. but whatever floats your boat!”  was just the brutal love I needed. 

The lengthening is continuing to go well, no complications and effective today my leg is 2.1cm longer then this time 2wks ago.

To keep complications at bay it is super important to clean the pin sites regularly. Today Mum (aka my onsite nurse) and I took this on solo for the first time! It is quite a long winded process and the key is to make sure no skin begins to heal on /or attach to any of the pins that enter the muscle/bone. 

This immediately reduces the risk of pin site/bone infections…  Ewww I know!

This actually looks pretty good apparently!
  
Don’t get me wrong I may be a cry baby at times and have a few woe is me moments.. (aren’t we all guilty of this at times?) but I recognise these are first world problems.  

I know I’m bloody lucky and this is happening because it was my choice. 

A choice that I am still glad that I made (well at the moment anyway) 😜

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20 thoughts on “Raining tired tears..

  1. Jen

    Lucky little fat mouse…..
    I notice your kitty cat is clocked off the job. 2.1cm is mind blowing in 2 weeks. What a process……. Wow!!
    Sorty for your tears though love…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathrine Bonney

    Rosie you’re amazing!
    You’re one of those people that I’ve crossed paths with or have seen in town from time to time and have often wondered what your story is.
    By chance I came across your blog the day after your surgery and thought wow, this woman is so brave.
    Your strength and determination is incredibly inspiring.
    Let it out………..
    “Tears are just pain leaving the body”
    Thank you for sharing your journey x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Coralie McIlwraith

    A good cry never hurt anyone Rosie! This is huge thing you are doing and l am in awe of you! Soo brave! Keep the posts coming! Maybe try some magnesium that helps you sleep! Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Donnamaree

    Rosie, once again you bring tears to my eyes reading of your journey. Aren’t you so lucky to have your beautiful mum there to be with you every step of the way. I bet she’s had quite a few tears as well. I can’t imagine how all of you are coping, it’s humongous!! I’m so proud to think that you are related to me πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Donnamaree that is honestly the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me.. (and it goes both ways). Thank you!
      I am eternally grateful to mum who has just put her life on hold to help us all out. Very lucky xx

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  5. Denise Carswell

    Rosie – reading your blog brings me to tears at how brave and strong you are and a good cry every so often cannot do any harm. Glad you have your lovely Mum and family around to help you through. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad to have them around me too carsy! I never intend for the blog to be sad it’s so unscripted whatever pops into my head lands on the page… Thank you for reading it and supporting me. I agree a good cry now and then is good for the soul πŸ’•

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  6. Ohh Rosie! Here I was sitting in Lucinda Nth Qld feeling sorry for myself coz we can’t get tv reception. I have been put in my place! My God!im surprised you don’t cry 24/7. YOU are allowed to have those days. Anybody who knows you knows you’re not one to be idle. So ease up on yourself will you? As your friend said – 2 cm of bone growth in such a short time IS mind blowing. We wish you warmer days and sunshine and much love.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Carmel Ansell

    Our prayers and thoughts are with you lovely lady. Cannot imagine what you are going through but just know it will be all worth it in the end. Your beautiful smile brings a ray of sunshine to so many peoples lives it is now your turn.

    Liked by 1 person

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