Yesterday as the artic wind blew rain at a 45 degree angle into the house- I found myself staring out of the window and realising I was at a loose end.
It’s been a long time since I have been faced with nothing to do..
I don’t have the concentration to read the novels I have stockpiled beside my bed or to start any of the tv series that I have been given to watch in my spare time. Actually it’s not only a lack of concentration..I have a genuine lack of interest in any of it at the moment.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I have always thrived on my crazy, busy work, home and social life. Not one to be idle, if I found myself with a quiet weekend I would always manage to fill it!
I like people, I like noise, I like laughter..
Don’t get me wrong I’ve had lots of visitors. I am just not used to lying around doing nothing (and being waited on by everyone).
I know.. I know.. Yes I need to be quiet and lay low and rest while I’m healing and I have been and will continue to do so. But just for the record, 3wks post surgery and 2wks into my lengthening and it is official.. I don’t like this doing nothing business. Not one bit!
As a result yesterday afternoon doing nothing was the straw that broke this camel’s back! It was like the tap was turned on and I couldn’t turn it off.. I cried and I cried.
I cried in frustration that I can’t do anything to help around the house.
I cried for the discomfort that comes with this goddamn Ilizarov frame and having to lie on my back to sleep.
I cried because my leg is aching, swollen and bruised.
I cried because I want to sit at the dinner table with everyone but I can’t.
I just cried because I felt sorry for myself..’why me’.
I even cried because there’s a mouse in the pantry and I can’t catch the f@cker. Lol.
So in hindsight I think this has a lot to do with the fact I’m not sleeping much (at all) during the day as my body seems to think I am well rested enough. Actually I probably would be if it weren’t for the fact that my internal alarm goes off two hourly every night!!
I am tired.. and yesterday I was perhaps a little overtired 😳😁!!
Thank god for each new day as I am pleased to report this morning I woke feeling almost a million dollars… (maybe $500k) and had an early visit from a beautiful old school friend Trudy. Some of her sweet talk, “ I think you’re f@ckin mad doing this.. but whatever floats your boat!” was just the brutal love I needed.
The lengthening is continuing to go well, no complications and effective today my leg is 2.1cm longer then this time 2wks ago.
To keep complications at bay it is super important to clean the pin sites regularly. Today Mum (aka my onsite nurse) and I took this on solo for the first time! It is quite a long winded process and the key is to make sure no skin begins to heal on /or attach to any of the pins that enter the muscle/bone.
This immediately reduces the risk of pin site/bone infections… Ewww I know!
Don’t get me wrong I may be a cry baby at times and have a few woe is me moments.. (aren’t we all guilty of this at times?) but I recognise these are first world problems.
I know I’m bloody lucky and this is happening because it was my choice.
A choice that I am still glad that I made (well at the moment anyway) 😜